Overthinking is my Dearest Friend
Overthinking is my crutch and my best friend.
Crippled by what I need to do, and focused on what could be.
Unfazed by success and punished by the fall.
But to the outside world, I seem to never crawl. What people don’t know is every day is a battle within my head.
Am I making the right choices?
What if this isn’t what I’m meant to do?
What if who I am isn’t going to become who I will be because I choose A instead of B?
It’s exhausting, yet comforting… because if I stop then I am sure my life would fall apart. If I don’t dissect every situation, then how will I be prepared for when I am disappointed?
What if I am so happy, but not mentally prepared to handle being treated well? What if I am not okay enough to make it work, what if I fuck it all up, just to tell everyone, “I was right, he just wasn’t right”.
What if I eventually get every single thing I ever wanted, but don’t know how to handle the bliss because I have been spreading my whole life preparing for the possibility of discontentment.
Because isn’t it easier to expect the worst and be surprised, then hope for the best and be disappointed.
I mean no one wants to rain on their wedding day, but some get it anyway.
©
Scarlett Gray / December 5, 2020
